Two Things are Infinite

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." - Albert Einstein

"At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I’m not there I carry on as usual." - Patrick Moore, English astronomer

"Marriages are made in heaven. But then again, so are thunder and lightning." 
- Anonymous

"Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die." 
- Anonymous

“Experience is a terrible teacher who sends horrific bills.” - Anonymous

“For the first half of your life, people tell you what you should do; for the second half, they tell you what you should have done.” - Richard Needham.

“If I had my life to live over again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner.”

- Tallulah Bankhead

“If I had my life to live over again, I’d be a plumber.” - Albert Einstein, theoretical physicist

“The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.” - Muhammed Ali, US boxer

“I have lived in the world just long enough to look carefully the second time into those things that I am most certain of the first time.” - Josh Billings, US writer