I asked God for a bike but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Some people hear voices; some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.